Perspective

One year. One year has passed since my life turned upside down. It’s strange how different a situation can seem depending on how you choose to look at it. I know that when you are in the middle of a problem it takes over. It becomes all you think about and even care about it. It creeps into your every thought and conversation. I know all too well; I’ve been there.  The coolest thing is to come through the storm and look back at all of the destruction and see how much I’ve grown. Because I leaned on the Lord and allowed him to sanctify me and heal my heart, I weathered the storm and it was all by the grace of God. The joy that others have noticed in me and the peace that my friends have pointed out is just an overflow of the joy and peace that the Lord has given to me. The waves were high, and crashed down harder than I ever thought was possible, but my eyes stayed on the Lord. He was my hope and my peace. Looking back I know that there was a purpose for that season in my life. I learned so much, and I decided that I wanted to share my perspective now looking back, because it matters how you choose to see a situation.

What I learned:

               

• The importance of spiritual accountability and love
• The importance of Godly friends (especially GIRL ones)
• The importance of silence and just being with the Lord, and being honest about what I was        feeling (because he already knew)
• The importance of every single word that you say. It could be the very last sentence that            you will ever say to that person…or ever. Make your words count.
• Make your moments count. Life is too short to waste it on being selfish or mad at someone.
• The importance of forgiving yourself. I cannot stress enough how important this is. Until you   fully forgive yourself for something it will always be in the back of your mind, and perfect ammo for Satan to use. Until you forgive yourself, you will never be able to forgive another person.
• The importance of knowing who YOU are and not being willing to change what you believe for someone else.
• Lean on the Lord. NOT your friends, or family…I know that may be the hardest thing to do. And it was the hardest thing for me to learn, but seriously He is the only one that could ever comfort   my heart.
  Lastly,
• God never changes. He is the same every day. In my brightest nights and darkest days, He is still there and He is still sovereign.

My prayer

“I seek you with all of my heart; do not let me stray from your commands.” –Psalm 119:10

A really great friend sent this to me today, which in all honesty, it caught me off guard. This is truly my prayer. As I continue to grow, I still find myself wrestling with my wandering heart. My prayer is that I will continue to seek the Lord with all that I am and that I will not stray from his commands, or his loving embrace. My prayer is that other followers will seek Him boldly and in doing so others will come to know the Lord.

Be still, beloved.

So I’ve been writing a paper comparing and contrasting two accounts of the great flood lately. I chose the account of Noah, and the account found in the Babylonian Epic of Gilgamesh. It’s really interesting, because it started out as just an assignment, but in breaking down the story of Noah, I see how different God is from the “gods” in Gilgamesh. What strikes me the most is something that I already knew, but I’ve never thought about it in the way this assignment made me look at it. It’s always funny how God can take an old truth and put it on your heart in a different way.

In Gilgamesh the gods ran away from the water that they sent like, “whipped dogs”. The rain controls them rather than the other way around, but God was in control of the rain in Genesis. He did not flee it, He did not fear it. He is in control. It was in that moment that I heard him say, “Mags, don’t you get it? I am in control. Be still, beloved.” I’ve been driving myself insane trying to figure out what God wants from me. I’ve often wondered why it is still raining. I’ve driven myself crazy trying to BE IN CONTROL. Because that’s what I do. I try to be in control of everything in my life, but how freeing is it to know that you don’t have to be in control? I haven’t felt this at peace in so long. All I did today was write my paper, but in my break time, I’ve just sat in silence. How great is that? God is not afraid of the rain. He is not controlled by the rain. How great it OUR God!? He doesn’t flee the storm…he tames it. When life gets a little crazy just take a deep breath and...BE STILL, BELOVED.

35 random things about me

1. I am a dork...the biggest dork you'll ever meet...and I have NO problem with it. :)
2. I'm a little too sarcastic...and I'll be the first to admit that I need to work on it.
3. I have a trust issue...as in I never trust people. It takes a long time before I feel like I can trust anyone enough to tell them anything.
4. I’m a terrible liar. I always have been, because you can know what I’m thinking at all times by just looking in my eyes.
5. I’m a very loyal person. Once you’re my friend, I will think of you as a friend for pretty much ever. It doesn’t matter what you say, or do. It doesn’t matter if you walk completely out of my life, at the end of the day when I am saying my prayers, I will still pray for you. At the end of the day, if you need me…I’m going to be there. It is sometimes my biggest downfall.
6. I have a lot of nicknames, but my favorite is "Maggie-mags"
7. I wish I had blue eyes, and I resent the fact that my brother got them. (haha jk my brown eyed girl is a pretty great song, so I guess my eyes are okay.) 
8. I hate being cold. I hate it more than pretty much anything, but I love snow.
9. My brother and I made up a par 3 course in our old yard. It’s one of the things that I miss about the other house.
10. I love love love love love love love Auburn. LOVE it.
11. I’m 20 years old, and I still don't like going to the dentist.
12. I hate it when my friends lie to me, or don’t tell me everything, because they think I’ll judge them. I'm not a judemental person at all.
13. I enjoy talking, but I am a great listener..and I love helping people.
14. I am a deep thinker...and I love sitting in just pure silence just to think and talk with God.
15. I get at least two new bruises every day, because I am the clumsiest person in the whole world. No really, I promise you I am.
16. I wish I could escape my life and view it from another angle.
17. If someone taps me on one shoulder I tap myself on the other shoulder (as unnoticeable as possible) to keep it even and symmetrical.
18. I have realized that the purest form of happiness is when you truly grasp the fact that nothing will ever be perfect…but that it's going to be okay.
19. I love it when it rains… the sound is so soothing, and I love playing in the rain it brings back some of the greatest memories I have with my brother… I just love everything about rain. Especially the sound of rain on a tin roof
20. I worry about everyone elses happiness more than anything.
21. I have been told that I have the humor of a guy…but honestly I just think I have normal sense of humor and that everyone else who doesn’t think I’m funny is just weird.
22. I smile all the time. And it’s easy to make me laugh, because I dearly love to laugh!
23. I love getting mail. Since I rarely get mail, I keep all of my mail and reread it all of the time. Especially my mail from California and Montana :)
24. I hate it when people judge me before they even know me.
25. No one knows the stories behind my art, and therefore I don’t think I could ever part with any of it.
26. Art therepy is better than retail therepy
27. I CRAVE adventure. 
28. I WILL build a fort in my house one day...I feel like I missed out on that during my childhood, and I resent that. 
29. I hate Axe and Tag, because guys put on WAY too much… i don’t think they understand that a little bit of it goes a long way. I’m a huge Polo Black fan though. It may or may not be a slight obsession.
30. It bothers me when guys think they’re too strong to cry. And they are embarrassed by the idea of crying
31. I give awesome hugs…so I’ve been told.
32. I know that one day I will find the perfect guy for me that won’t want to change one thing about me.
33. I find beauty in things other people find insignificant.
34. I am obsessed with a few things, and they are as followed: Sunsets, sunrises, stars, orange roses, art, funfetti cake, harry potter, razzles, rain, small children, smiles, ridiculously stupid pick-up lines…oh, and call me, maybe references.
35. I make happy lists often to remember everything I have to be grateful for. I have a quote book, and a bucket list. I’ve had my bucket list since the 8th grade…but I’m not weird or anything…

That awkward moment when.....

You have a huge knot on your head, because you fell down trying to get out of the shower. Story of my life. I know what you're thinking....and the answer is yes. Yes, I am quite possibly the clumsiest person you'll ever meet. I pretty much fall down flat on my face on a daily basis. Yeah...be jealous. I fall in all sorts of places..I fall on the concourse, dance floors, up stairs, down stairs, heck..I even fall on flat surfaces!  I think it's good for me to be clumsy though in all seriousness...it DEFINITELY keeps me humble. Anyways...Lately I've been learning to fall on my knees before the Lord. I've been praying that the Lord will give me the strength to keep going day after day. It's really amazing, because He does. He doesn't promise that life will be easy, in fact, His promise is greater than that. In John 16 Jesus says that in this life we will have trouble, but to take heart because He has over come the world. Isn't that just awesome?! He promises that ultimately it will be okay. In Isaiah 40 it says that The Lord's understanding is beyond anything we can fathom! And He's right there waiting for us to fall on our knees.

The Dirt Road

I went to Pa’s house this weekend. It was hard for my mom, and that’s why I went-- I knew it would be…but what I had forgotten to think about was how strange and hard it was going to be for me too. We walked in and it looked the same. It was like walking into a time capsule. Everything was still in the same place it was at Christmas time. The house was still decorated for Christmas, and it still smelled like him…but it wasn’t the same. He wasn’t there. We went and picked blueberries and when it was time to go inside…I thought he’d be sitting there waiting on us to come back. It felt like all the air had left the room every time I realized that he wasn’t going to be there. I’d wake up in the morning and wait for him to shuffle down the hall way with his oxygen dragging, but it never happened. We went by his grave and I talked to him and Grannyma. It was so sad…but I assured them that I was taking care of mama and that we both missed them a lot. But you know what the strangest part about the whole weekend was? How hard it was to leave. It’s weird, because even though he’s not there, it’s still just as hard to leave that house as it was growing up. There’s something about that dirt road. There always has been…and there always will be. It's home. It’s a part of me, and that, well…that will never change.

If Home is Where the Heart is...

Then I think my heart is a long way off from where I currently reside. If I’m being honest, I love being home with my family. I promise… I love Covington! And it’s no secret that I LOVE Auburn. (War Eagle) But, do you think it’s possible for your heart to be in a place you’ve never been? Well, I do.  I believe that my heart is in Uganda. I’m not entirely sure why, but I just feel this pressing need to be there, I come up with scenarios and ways to get there every day. I’ve thought about spending a Christmas break there, a summer there, a year there, I’ve even thought about spending two years after I graduate there. But I feel like I need to go to Uganda sooner than that. It’s the craziest thing, and I know that my parents would be so freaked out if I told them. Haha So for now, I will pray for Uganda and all of the missionaries there sharing the love of Christ. Even though I can’t be there right now, I can pray for the people of Uganda. And I’m asking you to join me in prayer for the people, and their salvation. I have been filled with such anguish for the lost everywhere, but particularly there. And one of my dearest friends is in Uganda for the summer, so please pray for her. I’m putting a link to her blog for you, because it’s a blog that I think everyone should read. She is on fire and completely sold out to the Lord, and I’m sure reading her blog will bless your life as it has blessed me.

Let’s be in prayer for Uganda together! (And the rest of the world, of course)

http://myonlygood.blogspot.com/ 

Mother knows best...

I think one of the most remarkable things about my mom is that she has no idea how incredibly wonderful she is. I’m going to be 20 in a month, and I hope that I end up being half the woman that she is. She has one of the biggest hearts of anyone that I know. She is strong and can laugh off just about anything. I can’t even put into words what my mama has meant to me, and how wonderful she is. She always said that you don’t get to pick your parents, but if I had a chance to pick I’d still her. She’s more concerned about being my mama and less concerned with being my friend.  I am so glad that she’d rather show me how to live and who to be rather than making sure my friends think that she’s cool.  I think that makes her the coolest mom of all…I’m just saying. She’s beautiful inside and out and she taught me everything that she knows about everything. She never passes up any opportunity to teach me something new whether it be a biblical truth or a nerdy science fact.  I love my nerdy, quirky, beautiful, brave, caring, and brilliant mama. This song pretty much is about my mama I’ve decided. : )

Also…this song describes her wonderfully.

Honesty corner

Lately, I’ve been praying that the Lord will teach me HOW to pray. I know that sounds totally weird to PRAY about learning HOW to PRAY, but y’all….in doing that I have to tell you, I’ve been so convicted of my prayer life.

Soooo I’m going to be really honest with y’all….

Sometimes I pray for my own little blessings more than I pray for the healing of my family’s hearts.

Sometimes I pray about MYSELF more than I pray about my brother, mama, AND daddy…COMBINED.

Sometimes I pray more about my grades in school than I do about glorifying the Lord where I am right now.

Sometimes I pray to the Lord and try to pretend like I’m fine, but I’m not. (And He KNOWS that..so why would I try to hide from Him?)

Sometimes I pray that a friendship that I know needed to end could start back up more than I pray for the Lord’s will to be done.

Sometimes I pray about my future (that I’m not even guaranteed) more than I pray for using the time that the Lord has given me right now.

Sometimes I pray more about things that I want and pretend like I need…than I  thank the Lord for the blessings that he has lavishly poured on me.

Sometimes I pray for my future husband more than I pray for my family members, friends, and complete strangers who are lost.

While I have been so convicted of all of these, the last one hit me like a ton of bricks right between the eyes. Girls, let’s be honest for a second…how many times have you prayed for your future husband this week? How many times have you prayed for just ONE of your lost loved ones this week? How many tears have you shed over a guy? (Be honest.) How many tears have you shed over someone you love who is headed to a very real hell? If you’re anything like me, you’ve cried over things a boy has said/done to you more than you have for the lost. And if you’re anything like me then you’ve definitely prayed about that special man that is still out there somewhere (Lord willing) than you have for the lost. Y’all, I’m not telling you that you shouldn’t be in prayer over your future husband, because you should. BUT I am telling you that if your future husband is more of a priority in your prayer life than the lost…then you need to re-prioritize your prayer life.

Yes, I should pray that He will continue to watch over me and my family, and I should pray that he continue to watch over my future hubby… BUT I should be praying for the nations too! I should be filled with gut wrenching ANGUISH FOR THE LOST. They are headed to a real hell. And if I believe that, if I really believe that…then WHY do I  NOT PRAY for them MORE? WHY do I NOT TALK TO THEM about it? Oh…that's right…because I’m too obsessed with praying for a man that I’ve never even met…and I’m too busy worrying about what they’re going to think about me if I try to talk to them about it. Ouch. I see what you did there, God. I’m too SELFISH to care about people that I love. Isn’t that insane? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I pray about the lost, but I don’t feel that anguish for them that I should. I used to feel that anguish, and I wondered where it went and why I didn’t feel such urgency anymore and the Lord revealed to me that my compassion for the lost was being trumped by my desire to get married.

I mean, I don’t know your life, you may be filled with such agony at the thought of people suffering for eternity, but if I’m being honest I lost that feeling a long time ago. But I’ve been praying that the Lord will restore that anguish. I know it seems so weird to pray to feel agony, but that feeling drives me to talk. That feeling of anguish makes it impossible for me to back down or chicken out. I’m only blogging this, because 1. I wanted to be honest...and 2. I don’t want anyone to wake up and realize that they lost urgency for reaching a lost and dying world, because you were too busy praying about yourself or your future spouse.

P.S. I’m NOT telling you to not pray for your future spouse, (please don’t take that away from this blog) because I definitely believe that you should be praying for them. BUT I also believe that you should be praying that people will come to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior more than that.

Another School Year Down...

And THIS is what I learned.

Some of these are truths that I learned about the Lord this year…and others are things I learned about people and myself…some are silly things that I just kinda realized. but I learned so much this year and I thought I’d share it.

That the wall that I put up (that I call sarcasm) needs to come down, or I will never be effective in spreading the gospel.
That not everyone in your life is meant to be there permanently
God is sovereign. In every situation. Always. 
All girls need a godly group of girl friends to hold them accountable.
People disappoint you, but the Lord never will.
Surrendering is hard, but there is nothing better than a life fully surrendered to God.
Life is too short to worry about something dumb like guys. Because let’s face it…they’re DUMB
Although it seems like the hardest thing to surrender to the Lord, giving God the pen to your love story will save you from a lot of heartache, and ultimately will be the best thing.
Everyone is fighting a hard battle. So watch your words. Be kind.
Adventure is worth it. It may scare the mess out of you…but it’s better than driving away regretting that you were too scared to take a chance. :)
I say stupid things sometimes. but that's okay, because everyone does.
The sun always rises in the morning…even after the darkest of nights. This is a promise that no matter how dark your life seems…there is a sunrise coming.
When the rain keeps pouring down, and it seems like there will never be an end to the rain….dance.
We will have great sorrow in our life, but it will never be more than we can handle.
Don’t be afraid to be yourself….even if you think that you are the most awkward person ever…like awkward tiger status
You are cherished. More than you know.
Every heart needs a healer.
There is no one that the Lord can't reach. 
It’s okay to take a deep breath and stand completely silent and relish in a moment… A lifetime is made up of moments..you might as well enjoy them.
YOLO is used too much to justify stupid things.
Call me, maybe gets stuck in your head and everyone secretly likes it..and everyone is a closeted Justin Bieber fan.  
Guard your heart. Be mindful of your thoughts. Watch your mouth. And Listen for the soft, loving voice of the Holy Spirit.
There is a Godly way to go about dating...and most people don’t care.
Auburn truly is the loveliest village on the plains.
One day my clumsiness will come in handy. I am sure of it. Even though I hate falling on a daily basis, it keeps me on my toes.
Sometimes you just need to call your mama.
I love my sisters. TFJ forever.
My brother will do anything for me. Even if it involves sacrificing something really important to him..and I should treat him better.
Red is just not my color.
All nighters suck
Chocolate doesn't fix everything.
Photography is a passion, art is a hobby, school is a priority, sunsets and small children are an obsession, and walking with the Lord is a lifestyle.
His love never fails. It never gives up. It never runs out on me. Ever.
Harry Potter will always be better than the hunger games, twilight, eragon and any other book people try to compare it to. Always.
Your life should be filled with laughter, 
When in doubt….smile. there is nothing more beautiful than a happy girl.
last, but not least...Always remember to seek the Lord's will.

Rock bottom: Where do I look?

One of the things that every one has in common is pain. Everyone has experienced deep pain and sorrow in their lifetime. In the past 6 months I can count countless times that I have experienced joy and happiness, but I can also count heartache after heartache that I have experienced. I can count heartache after heartache that some of my closest friends and family have experienced, and I can tell you that there is nothing like some of the pain that I have witnessed people go through. When you are watching a casket get lowered into the ground, there aren’t many feelings like the finality of the situation. When you are on the phone listening to someone cry (that literally never cries) because he lost both of his parents in 5 months, there isn’t anything that you can say. But in everything that I have experienced and watched others go through in the past few months, I have learned this: The LAST thing that you need to do when you experience pain is run from God. He is the comforter. The TRUE comforter and the last thing that you need to do is run from Him. There are only two things that you can do when you are going through a valley that seems like it is literally never going to end. There are only two places to look.
1. 1The first place to look is the cross. Jesus understands pain and suffering. Why? Because He WAS the sufferer! I endured hunger and thirst. He went through death! His cousin had his head chopped off! He knows what it’s like to experience death.. He understands what it’s like to have your best friends walk out of your life. In His time of greatest need, his 12 closest companions were nowhere to be found. He knows physical pain. More physical pain than I can even imagine. He identifies with the sufferer, because he was the sufferer. He took on the worlds sin and endured MUCH more than we often think or talk about.
2. The other place that you must look is forward towards what the cross has accomplished. Why are you enduring pain? The Lord never intended for death, hunger, pain, and sorrow. But sin entered the world and with the fall of man, pain entered the world too. But Jesus conquered death and proved victorious! Every heartache that we endure produces perseverance, and perseverance produces character. And character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame! (Romans 5:3-5) So when you are going through pain run to the Lord. He is the only one who can comfort you.

I know that pain is hard, but the LAST thing you need to do when you are going through a hard time is run from the only One who can give you comfort! With his comfort comes a peace that is out of this world! The joy that comes from the comfort of the Father's arms is unreal. Don't run from Him, because you are upset by your circumstances. He is so much greater than any circumstance.

Attitudes and birdie putts

It’s that time of year again. It’s time for a tradition unlike any other. It’s time for dogwood trees, time for amen corner to roar, and time for the coveted green jacket to be worn.
Confession time: While golf has always been a huge part of my life, I always resented how big of a deal my brother and dad made the Masters. They went pretty much every year and would come back raving about the chicken sandwiches and the amazing shots that were made. It was always a huge bonding experience for them, and my mom and I? Well, we would spend that day doing something more our speed like watching movies and eating ice cream, or planting flowers, or pulling weeds. So it has always been a bonding time for us too (And I loved every minute of it), but I always resented how I never once got to go to this “most amazing golf tournament ever” that was just two hours down the street from me. I just hated the Masters. I hated it. Finally, one year my dad took me to this tournament and I got to watch it first hand. While I now understand why he always took Taylor, (I mean...he understands golf, and loves it) and never wish to go again, I remember that day with my daddy like it was just yesterday. It was Easter, and it was the final day. Phil and Tiger were battling it out. One would make a birdie putt and the other would follow, but neither of them ended up winning. They both just fell apart. It was just crazy! I can now say that I watched an incredible tournament.(and I can now say that the chicken sandwiches are indeed pristine) I can honestly say that this experience is still in my top 5 favorite memories with my daddy. I just loved learning from him and listening to him talk about his past visits to the Masters with Taylor, and even his trips with mama. Suddenly, at that moment, my whole attitude towards this tournament changed. I went from hating it to absolutely loving it. I joined the rest of the golf world in my love for this tournament, and for the beauty of the course. Amen corner truly is beautiful. The flowers are gorgeous, and the each blade of grass is perfectly green.

Well, it’s that time of year again…and I can’t wait to see who will get to wear the green jacket. And that has gotten me to start thinking…I’ve learned that our attitude towards something can make a huge difference. So I challenge you to think about your attitude today. How can your attitude towards something make a difference in other people’s attitudes? Who knows, maybe your optimism will rub off on someone you least expect. My dad’s love for the Masters finally rubbed off on me.

Words (continued)

I was in AP Art in high school and some of my art was based on something called 6 word memoirs. Sometimes the less you say the more significant the statement…I mean my life was changed by 6 words so I truly believe that 6 words can speak volumes. So I have been counting my words all over again. So here are a few 6 word memoirs..I’ll start with the one that changed my life.
He must increase. I must decrease
You’ve been here all this time.
You captured my heart that day
Lord, take me back to wonder
You inspire me to be better
Love me for who I am
I’m the most awkward person ever.
Love is more than a game
Please don’t try to change me
Dreaming with my eyes wide open
I gave Him my heart’s key
I jumped, you didn’t catch me
I won’t fit into a mold
Sometimes memories keep me holding on
Sometimes my memories hold me back
I’m alone and I need you
You’re more beautiful than you know
I will wait for you forever
Ashamed of past, terrified of future
I can see through your mask
Don’t try to hide from me
See…some of these are funny, some speak about how my life has been changed, and then some are a cry out to the Lord for help. Sometimes few words can say much. Be mindful of your words. They mean more than you could possibly know.

Words.

Words. I have been so convicted lately about how often I waste my words. I’ve clearly been reminded about how fragile and short life is. I’ve been reminded about how unpredictable it is. You see, you never know how long you have. Life is short.
Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” James 4:14
And when you are confronted with death, the first thing that you typically think about is the last words you said to the person. The scariest part is that there are two things that will go through your mind…You will either spend the rest of your life regretting the words you said..or didn’t say. Or you will be blessed to remember that the last thing you said to them was that you love them. You see, your words are so important. And they don’t need to be wasted.
“With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.” James 3:9-12
Y’all I promise I am calling myself out right now too, but seriously. Your words are so important. With just a few words you can make someone’s day or ruin it. With such few words..you can express that you love someone or hate them.. Your tongue must be tamed. Because there is no regret like the regret you feel when the last words you say to someone are meaningless, or hurtful. But honestly, sometimes the words that you will regret more than the words you say that are hurtful, are the words that needed to be said and were never spoken. Those words will echo in your ears for years to come. I know this from experience and I don’t wish that on any of you. Life is short and precious. Use your time and your words wisely, because once they are spoken you can’t take them back…and if they are never spoken you get to think about that forever.

Stargazing and history

If you know me, then this will not come as a shock to you…but I am obsessed with stars. Which is interesting considering my fear of the dark…anyhow, I have always loved stars. I could tell you a lot about them…and they always point me right back to the Lord.. but last night (well…..this morning) I was laying on my back looking at the stars, (because it was a clear beautiful night in Auburn, Alabama) and I just loved it. I seriously think the way to my heart is stargazing with me. Anyways I just got off topic a little bit. So back to 2:30 a.m. As I rested there, I was mesmerized at the portrayal of beauty and power displayed by the Lord. The thing that just captured me last night is how old the stars are. Have you ever thought about how far back in history you are looking when you look up at the sky? (I’m a history nerd so I have…) It takes millions of years for the light from the stars to reach earth…so you could be looking at stars that may have become black holes. I mean God is a REALLY big God! And it’s the coolest thing. And guess what….God was there placing the stars in the sky! And he knew about you THEN! He already loved you. At that moment the greatness of His love hit me like a ton of bricks…and he captured my heart all over again. I pray that you let him capture your heart, because He is your true love…don’t waste your time trying to find the perfect guy, when you have a perfect God who already loves you. His timing is perfect, and His understanding is unfathomable. I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. And my prayer for you is that you will do the same. There is nothing sweeter than the feeling of the Lord wrapping his arms around you.

One Breath At A Time

I am one of those girls that likes having a plan. I mean, I love spontaneous adventures..like LOVE them…BUT for day to day life I would much rather have a plan. And I get frustrated when I don’t have one. Lately I’ve been having those days where all I do is dwell on the storm of my current life. Each all nighter I pulled with every passing day just amplified my discontent. On Tuesday I pretty much had enough. I kind of just exploded. All I could think was, “how long am I going to be dangling here waiting for this to pass? How long am I going to have to avoid chick-fil-a before it’s safe to go and not be considered a stalker? (by an IDIOT to put it lightly) How many days am I going to be consumed with grief and sorrow? How much longer will I cry every time something reminds me of Pa? How long am I going to be dangling here holding on the Lord for dear life before I feel firm ground beneath me?” That’s a lot of questions right? Yeah…but the thing is every one of those questions that I was asking was misplaced. Most of my state of mind was from my lack of sleep, and the rest was because I wasn’t in the word as much as I should have been. On Tuesday night I actually slept and when I woke up, I was reminded of the promise Isaiah 40:27-31.

Why do you say, O Jacob? And complain O Israel? ‘My way is hidden from the Lord, my cause is disregarded by my God.’ Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not grow tired or weary. His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. For even youth grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall, but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not be weary. They will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:27-31

Did you catch that? It didn’t say when things are hard I’m going to make it easier…the promise is greater than that. The promise is when we endure pain, the Lord will be there to renew our strength. He will give us the strength to take one more step when we are standing there in the middle of the storm thinking that we can’t. He gives us one more breath when we think that we can’t take another one. When we’re standing there thinking, “God where did you go? Can you not tell that I am struggling here? Do you see me hanging on for dear life? Can you not see that each breath gets harder and harder to breathe? Can you not see? And do you even care?” He’s saying, “I see you. And I am giving you the strength to take this step. I am faithful, always.. and I will give you the strength to take this breath. You can get out of bed, because I am giving you the strength to do it.”
Isn’t that awesome…and then with that encouragement came conviction, because God is so good.

Since you call on a Father who judges each person’s work impartially, live out your time as foreigners here in reverent fear. For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake. Through him you believe in God, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God. 1 Peter 1:17-21

This passage just nailed me. Sometimes we water down the crucifixion, because we get uncomfortable thinking about the heavy price that was paid for our lives. We are not saved by gold…we are saved by PRECIOUS BLOOD. A parent can understand this more than I, but losing a child is a blow like no other. Nothing hurts more than losing a child, and God had to watch it happen. He knew he was going to have to send His perfect son to save this messed up world, but he did anyways because he loves us. Don’t water down Jesus’ death. Y’all he was beaten beyond recognition. He couldn’t even carry his own cross, because he was too weak. They mocked him and spit on him. Shoved a crown of thorns on his temple..He was hung on a cross and died a slow, painful death. The death of a sinner. A death that he did not deserve. The full wrath of his father upon him. Our father did that for us! It all goes back to the cross! It all goes back to the blood. It all goes back to the Lord. He is our Father who will give us the strength to take each breath that we take, yes, but he is the Lord. He is the great judge. And he judges impartially. Don’t get caught up in yourself and lose sight of who the Lord is and what He has done.

Confession time...

I am a harry potter nerd. There, I said it. But while everyone’s favorite character in Harry Potter is one of the core three…I have always been partial to Fawkes. Now, for other Harry Potter nerds out there I won’t have to elaborate, but since I’m guessing that a great deal of y’all are not HP fans I will elaborate. Fawkes is Dumbledore’s phoenix. Fawkes is my favorite, because as a child I was memorized with the fact that it turned to ash and then was reborn. As a little girl when I started reading Harry Potter, I realized that there was so much more to it, but now as a young lady about to turn 20 I know why it always amazed me. When we give our life to Christ we become phoenix like. We were dead in sin, enemies to the Lord, and unworthy to be called children of God. We were essentially ashes, but when we realized that we were dead and realized that the Lord has so much more for us, and repented from our trespasses we were made new. We were reborn! Just as phoenixes are reborn! Isn’t that just awesome!? We traded our ashes in for beauty and wear FORGIVENESS like a crown. And we can lay every burden down at the foot of the cross! Every single burden that we have, ever single sin and temptation that we face has been paid in full! This doesn’t mean we get a free pass and can do whatever we want, but when we do get bungled up in our temptation and let Satan enslave us to our worldly desires, we have the Holy Spirit to awaken us and convict us of our sin. We were not made to be enslaved…we were made to be free! And we have the power inside of us to be free! The coolest part is when we repent and completely turn away from our messes we are forgiven and are considered clean and pure in front of the almighty father! Isn’t that just so cool! So come! Taste the living water, and walk with the lover of your soul. The mighty warrior who loves and fights for alongside of you and fights for you!

Loving the difficult

I think we miss the boat when it comes to love. It’s because not only do we not know HOW to love, but we don’t know the difference between liking and tolerating someone and actually loving them. That’s what God has been teaching me these days…I’ve been learning HOW to love someone when the world around me would say that I have every reason in the world to not forgive them and to hate them.
When someone hurts you and all you can think about is the pain they put you through, the only way that you will ever forgive them is leaning on God. The only way that you can ever love someone the way that love is intended is praying every single day for God to teach you how to love them…and to change your heart towards them so that you CAN love them. Yes, someone may hurt you. They may have caused more pain than you thought was possible, but we are called to love everyone. We are not only called to love our family, friends, and people that are easy to love…but we are called to love the unloving, the hard-to-love, and the worst of our enemies. It’s not easy, trust me, I know that. It is so hard that the only way that you can possibly love someone like this is walking DAILY with the Lord and constantly leaning on His truth. I’m not going to try to come up with things that someone may have done or said to you to plague your heart with bitterness, but your heart is not meant to house bitterness. Your heart is meant to house the Lord. The God of LOVE! And the only way to love is to forgive.
But sometimes loving someone doesn’t mean that they are going to be in your life anymore. This Is when you have to take a deep breath and let the Lord heal you and carry you and love them anyways.
See, I used to have this friend. We will name them Smitty. Smitty taught me a lot about myself. He taught me how to laugh when it seemed that things couldn’t get any worse. He taught me how strong I really am. He taught me that sometimes friends hurt you, and fall to temptations of their own. He taught me that sometimes the purest act of worship is just standing silent in pure awe of what the Lord created. He made me so mad sometimes, but he taught me a lot. He taught me that sometimes all you need is a really lame joke. And he taught me that friendships are hard in many, many ways. He showed me the side of him that not many people saw..the worst side of him, but he showed me how good he could be too. You see…I saw the best of Smitty and the worst of him, but I chose both. When you are friends with someone you always have to choose both the good and the bad, because nobody is perfect. Smitty may no longer be in my life, but he taught me a lot. And I wouldn’t take back our friendship for anything…even if it would have spared me the pain and anger, because through the ending of that friendship I learned how to forgive and truly love someone the way we are called to love them. Loving someone isn’t about being in their life, it’s about wanting the best for them and actually caring about them…sometimes what’s best for them is just getting out of their life and allowing the Lord to work in them and change their heart.
You may think that you have every reason to hate someone, but think about it…Doesn’t God have every reason to hate you and turn His back on you? Love your enemies. And pray for those who hurt you, because God loves your enemies and you! Even when you were an enemy of God he loved you.
Again…love isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. If I had to choose between hating Smitty and loving him, I would choose loving him every time. Plus it takes more energy to hate someone and have bitterness towards them than loving them. Just saying.

List de ligero

My friend Megan used to make these…it was one of the many things she left behind after she died three years ago. She called them “List de ligero” or "list of light" To get through the grieving process in eleventh grade I made my own list, and in doing so I discovered why she made them so often. Sometimes I get so caught up in the storms and sorrow that I am surrounded by, it doesn’t matter how big or small my problem is, it becomes my main focus. I know that I am not alone in doing this. I thought I would share my secret in getting through these “hard times” with y’all, because it was Megan’s secret and she passed it on to me. Now, I am passing it on to you.
A list of light is essentially what it sounds like. It’s a list of things that make you happy or smile…things that remind you of how blessed you are. It can be something ridiculous and stupid like a movie, or something breath taking like a sunset. It can even be a time of the year like Christmas…whatever it is that makes you smile, if you concentrate on things that make you smile long enough you realize that you’re beaming and that you are truly happy. You will begin to focus on things that make you grin instead of the things that make you anything less than happy.
So here is my happy list:

The sound of a child’s laughter
Funfetti
Cake batter ice cream
Cookie dough
Orange Roses
Sunflowers (Meg’s favorite..forever in my heart)
The perfect Chickfila biscuit
Sunsets
Clouds
Sunrises
The sound of rain on a tin roof
Pick up lines
When a guy smiles on the concourse and you know he’s smiling at YOU
My hair when it’s curled
When someone says that I look pretty even when I have no make up on
A clear starry night
Playing just dance with some friends
Mountain dew
Country music
A song with clever lyrics
Country Boys
Meeting someone new
Hearing “War Eagle!” thousands of miles away from Auburn
Passion Conference
Lame jokes
Laura Elizabeth Nolan
My sorority sisters
Initiating new sisters into Alpha Xi Delta
Seeing how excited girls get when they find out who their Big is
Samford Hall all times of the day
When a baby holds your finger
Auburn winning in any sport, competition, etc.
Georgia losing in everything every day
Christmas time
Easter
My cousin Vinny
Wearing pearls
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Art
Making art
Waking up at 8 am and realizing it Saturday and can go back to sleep
Being called Mags... or any other nick name
Making a new page in my visual journal and loving it
Knowing that I am saved by the blood of Jesus and lavishly loved by the King of Kings


See…it can be anything and I guarantee you, that if you do this you will be smiling before you finish. Make it as long as you want or need it to be to make you smile, but be sure to focus on these things and not the devastation in your life right now.

Glory to God, Forever

Sometimes when it rains it pours; but what do should you do when it looks more like a hurricane…and the devastation starts to take a toll? What should you do when the world is looking at you saying that all hope is lost? I only ask this, because, honestly, I’ve been asking myself that exact same question since the beginning of 2012. Right now it seems that no matter where I look there is pain to be felt in my life. If I look back on the past few months, I have gone through a lot more than I ever thought I would have to endure...but the neatest thing about everything that I have gone through in the past few months is that I can see God’s hand working. Last semester I went through a rough period. A time when I questioned if I needed to be in a sorority…and if I was even in the right one…a time when I questioned if Auburn was really where God wanted me to be… Today, as I sit in my dorm room I can say without a single doubt in my mind that not only am I in the perfect sorority for me, but I am also right in the middle of God’s will for my life. Auburn is right where I am supposed to be. I am right where I am meant to be. I’m not saying that my life is easy right now, because it is anything but that...being in the middle of God’s will doesn’t mean that there is less pain to endure, it just means that He is giving me the peace, joy, faith, courage, and strength to endure anything that that this world throws my way. I know that His mighty hand is what is holding me together during this time, and that even though I’m not sure exactly what He’s up to, I know that everything is for His glory. I think that knowing that is what makes it so difficult to understand sometimes. Sometimes we look at things and wonder how God could ever get glory from such terrible circumstances, but we must remember to trust God knowing that He is who He says that He is…and that He knows exactly what He is doing. And we have to remember that hope is not lost despite what the world tries to tell you.
“I have told you these things so that you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world!” John 16:33

SEE! So…where does my hope come from? It comes from knowing that Jesus Christ, who is filled with mercy and grace overcame the world…and because of that I will not perish but live eternally with the only true God. And it’s been so awesome to look back over this school year and see that God has been forming this really awesome friend group in my life even through this storm. It’s really funny how tangled my friend group seems on the outside, but how truly of God it is. I didn’t go out looking for these friends that I have been surrounded by…God put them in my life at the perfect time and it has been a true joy to get to know them…and to know that they are bathing me in prayer just as much as I am bathing them in prayer…so even in the midst of all of this chaos in my life I feel a peace in knowing that God is being glorified and I have friends that truly care about me. I’ve always heard people talk about finding peace like that…but I always questioned if I could find peace when my life started getting all messy…but I did, and I thank God for it. Praise the Lord!

And I will end this with my favorite friend quote. I think it’s my favorite, because I want to be able to help them through their rainy days just as they’ve helped me through mine.


"Friend, I want to share every single one of your sun shines and save some for later. I will tuck them into my pockets so I can give them back to you when the rains fall hard."

One Day....

this is my hubby checklist...here's the thing. I refuse to settle and i fear that people I know are settling for guys that they are with, because that's all they know.. I don't want it to be like that...We should guard our hearts and let Christ be the center of all of our relationships...and we should remember what we should look for in a guy.


There are several reasons that I made this list that I am about to post…
1. Well, sometimes I tend to forget what I am waiting for. I am not the type of girl who settles… and you shouldn’t be either.
2. I know that girls are forgetting what they deserve in a man…what they should be able to expect from a man.
3. I made this list to constantly remind myself that God should be the center of relationships… and if God is the center of my relationships then I will never have to settle for less than this in a man.

So….here it goes. My personal “hubby check list” (You may have other things that you may want…but this is what I want in a husband) And I am not going to lie…I have this hanging up in my room…haha

1. A man who first and foremost desires to know Gods heart and seeks his presence daily.
2. A man who realizes that God deserves all of His attention so He gives it all to God.
3. A man who is passionate in all of his works
4. A man who will protect my heart.
5. A man who is intelligent yet humble of Gods gifts to him.
6. A man who is forgiving and full of mercy.
7. A man who knows how to work hard, but doesn’t get lost in finding success.
8. A man with a heart for worship, unafraid to cry in the presence of the King.
9. A man who will wholeheartedly love me and our children.
10. A man of dignity and honesty.
11. A man who is wise discerning and can lead me spiritually and is sensitive to the spirit.
12. A man who is able to laugh at his mistakes and can ultimately move on.
13. A man who doubles as a comedian.
14. A man who is unafraid to push me to be better, and encourages in a time of need.
15. A man who will care about me and never forget to tell me how much he loves me.
16. A man who respects my body and values my purity.
17. A man with a heart for missions.
18. A man who embodies the fruits of the spirit and has a heart for serving the Lord.
19. A man who appreciates the little things.
20. A man who will love me as Christ loved the church.
21. A man with character who doesn't just make promises...but KEEPS them.

Okay….so I know that all of these qualities aren’t always going to be present because everyone is human, but they should strive for this daily…and WE must strive to be the woman worthy of this man. It’s time for the boys to STAND UP and be men…and it’s time for us as women to NOT SETTLE

Do you believe in miracles?

I do. I’ve been praying for one for fifteen years now, and I never actually got it, but I still believe. Miracles happen every day. Children are born, people are healed, and I take a breath every second and every single breath is a miracle in and of itself. So, do I believe in miracles? Of course I do. The other night, as I was lying on my back tangled up in a vine playing man hunt with some pretty great new friends, I found peace. I was looking up at the stars laughing at some of the things Pa used to say. (…“Boys…” he’d say…yeah…I was one of the boys, but I didn’t mind one bit) I realized as I laid there in silence that I did get my miracle…I got 15 years with my grandfather. 15 years to pray for that miracle, 15 years to listen to him and visit him.. 15 years to learn from him. I got 20 years to love him…and every single day that I got to love Pa...well, that was a miracle. And I thank my God for every single time I remember him, and every time I got to say, “I love you.” And…for every single breath that he was able to take. Because every single breath he took was a miracle in and of itself. The last thing he said to me was, “I love you, baby.” And I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am blessed that my last memory of him I got to tell him that I love him....I miss him so much already, but it was time for him to go home and be with Grannyma again.