So…I don’t know if y’all listen to country music or not, but
I do. Keith Urban has a new song out called "Break On Me". The first time I heard
the song, I thought to myself, “dang I wish I had a relationship with someone
like this.” The type of relationship that I could just break down on and let my
heart be shattered and it be okay…. You know what I mean? It started to make me
feel a little bitter. It was just another song on the radio to remind me of how
single I am. It wasn’t until today of all days (Valentine’s Day) that I
listened to it and allowed my heart to be changed. Today when I listened to the
song, it actually began to remind me of my father. You see, I am blessed with
an incredible father that has challenged my heart and pushed me to grow in my
faith in ways that I could never express in words. I mean, I definitely get
into some big arguments with him, because we are like…….well, we’re like oil
and water. We’re just alike, but we are just different enough to not mix really
well without some sort of help. But in the big things, we’re just alike and I
am so thankful that I get to call him mine.
Anyways, I can think of so many times that I genuinely felt
so broken and defeated when I was growing up. Teens can be so cruel sometimes,
and life itself isn’t always pleasant. There were times that I felt so
dejected, rejected, and humiliated…There were friendships that ended, parts in
plays that I did not get, sports that I was not a star in, and times when I
just felt completely heartbroken. Those moments were what I like to call
“character building moments”. But, my father took me into his arms and let me
cry until I couldn’t cry any more tears. Sometimes he’d even cry with me. Those moments may have seemed so
insignificant to him at the time, and he may not even remember all of them, but
I do. Those were times that he gently pointed me to Christ. To be honest, both
of my parents point me to Christ every day… But in the most heartbreaking
moments growing up, I knew that I could run to my earthly father who would in
turn point me to my heavenly father.
Now, I am 23. I am in graduate school…and there have been
countless moments that I have just wanted to completely break down. There have
been applications that I have filled out for practicums that have come back
with rejections. There have been weeks that I wondered what I was thinking when
I picked up my entire life and moved it to Texas. There have been days when I
wished that I could have stayed in the familiar environment that I was in. There have been nights that I have
prayed more than I breathed…And there have definitely been moments when I just
wanted to fall to pieces. The most
beautiful thing about the day to day struggles that surround me is that in
those moments, I find myself to be more vulnerable with the Lord and more
honest with him than ever before. I tend to grow more spiritually when I’m
broken, and I don’t think that it is a coincidence.
The Lord of the Universe…The same God that breathed light
into existence cares for me. He cares about my heartbreaks. He wants to hold me
when I feel broken. He wants to use those moments to mold me and teach me.
These “character building moments” are building blocks for something that only
He can see. Right now, I am learning a lot about God’s timing, and patience…but
I am also learning a lot about what it means to be truly broken before the Lord
and allowing him to put the shattered pieces together to make something even
more beautiful than before.
He has also used my broken heart to instill in me even more
drive to become a Child Life Specialist. There have definitely been moments
that I have wondered if this is what He has really called me to be, but you
know what? It is. The longer that I live in Texas, the more I am sure that I
have been called to be a Certified Child Life Specialist. It isn’t going to be
easy, but I am going to make it happen. So, as much as I miss Auburn, and my
family and friends…I am so thankful that I made that crazy decision that led me
to Texas. I am thankful for the rejections, broken hearts, and everything in
between…because they have led me here. They have pointed me toward the Father,
the Healer of my soul.
And isn’t it funny that a country song could be so
convicting??? Who knew, right? I am so thankful for my parents who have always
(and continue) to point me to Christ, even in the most difficult times.
