This One Is Hard to Write

First of all, no I haven't forgotten what I am doing this year. I have just not been writing about it...sorry fam. In short, I finished the Bible and am now doing studies of each chapter individually, I have read an average of 11 books a month all year, I have tried something new every month, and I have given something new up every month. Some of it has been really cool and fun...and some of it has been really hard, but on the first of September, I had to say my hardest goodbye of the year...and that is what this blog is about. It is about all of the people that I love in North Carolina and how much I already miss them...and how thankful I am for their love and influence on my life.
A little over 3 years ago I packed up my car and left Texas. I was not sure what would be waiting for me in Raleigh and only knew two people in the whole city. I was only planning on taking one year off of graduate school, but shortly after arriving to the RDU area, I realized that I was probably not going back to Texas. I never expected it to happen, I never dreamed of living in North Carolina, but RDU instantly felt like home. For someone like me with a gypsy soul, it was pretty surprising. I don’t feel like I’ve arrived home very often. The only other place that has ever felt more like home was Auburn,  but something about Raleigh anchored my heart down for a little over 3 years. I made incredible friends that I absolutely adore over the last few years. The family that I left in Raleigh taught me what it means to love the community around me even when it is inconvenient. They gave me the space to allow them to know me. They’ve shown me how to let others love me...and how to love myself. They’ve challenged me, talked with me, laughed with me, and cried with me over the years. I’m not the same girl that moved here 3 years ago and I have this city and the people that live here to thank for that. For my friends and family that are not from the RDU area, I challenge you to surround yourself with people who love you well; people who will call you out and challenge your thought processes, while being willing to listen to you verbally process your life. I challenge you to make friends with people that look different than you do. Make friends with people old enough to be your parents…and then make friends with their children. Be available and willing to be in other people’s lives…be vulnerable with them and be honest with yourself. Allow yourself to continue to grown and never apologize for not being the same person you were 3 years ago, 3 months ago…or even 3 days ago…but don’t forget who you are in the midst of your growth. I will always love Raleigh, North Carolina and I will always love the people that I met during my time there whether they were coworkers, friends of my co-teachers, church friends, or gym friends.
Raleigh fam, thank you for being the people that I didn’t even know that I needed in my life. Some goodbyes are harder than others, and every single one that I had to say in Raleigh was even harder than I had imagined. They were harder than any other goodbyes I’ve ever had to do. I love you all to infinity and beyond. A million times over. Thank you for loving me....and allowing me to love double names, bows and Christmas year round. Thank you for allowing the coffee to sink in before talking to me in the gym at 5:45, but also asking me why I didn't show up at 5:45 if I wasn't there-I needed that accountability. Thank you for introducing me to your friends and your families. Thank you for letting me take your daughters to Ulta and watch your dogs when you were on vacation. Thank you for hard conversations and funny jokes. Thank you for making me watch Marvel movies and eat things besides Chipotle and cheese. Thank you for making fun of me, playing golf with me, and helping me move. Thank you for joining my little book club and reading books with me. Thank you for teaching with me. Thank you for the surprises and taco nights. Thank you for teaching me how capable I am of jumping on boxes and lifting heavy weight. Thank you for the Friday nights and the Saturday nights spent laughing. Thank you for the trips to the pumpkin patches and around to see Christmas lights. Thank you for teaching me about college basketball just in time to watch my team make history....and thank you for allowing me to love Auburn as much as I do. Just....thank you! I will miss you-all of you for a million different reasons for a million different days. Please come visit me any time!! But...your girl is moving back to the land of SEC football in Alabama and I am very excited about this next chapter!   

Self Defense

A review of March:

Giving Up: Ice Cream, FroYo, Yogurt
Okay, I know I said that I would give up cheese, but that got derailed as soon as I typed it, because my bros dragged me to Qdoba for lunch and....so I gave up 3 things to make up for it. And honestly it was a lot harder than expected, because I really like yogurt. haha This April, I am giving up coffee. Yikes. I know I'm only 9 days into the month, but it is not looking great so far. My personality got left in March for sure.

Books Read: 11
Forgotten God- Francis Chan
Letters to the Church- Francis Chan
Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine-Gail Honeyman
Every Bitter Thing is Sweet-Sara Hagerty
It's Not Supposed to be This Way-Lysa TerKeurst
Amazing Love: True Stories of the Power of Forgiveness- Corrie Ten Boom
The Prodigal God- Timothy Keller
In His Image- Jen Wilkin
Women of the Word-Jen Wilkin
A Mind of Her Own-Paula McLain
The Demon Next Door- Bryan Burrough


Books of the Bible Read: 20-ish (finished the Old Testament)
Psalm 11-150
Proverbs
Ecclesiastes
Song of Solomon
Isaiah
Jeremiah
Lamentations
Ezekiel
Daniel
Hosea
Joel
Amos
Obediah
Jonah
Micah
Nahum
Habakkuk
Zephaniah
Haggai
Zechariah
Malachi

Something New: Self-Defense Class
Ohhhhh y'all! I finally signed myself up for self defense classes and let me tell you, I feel so confident in my ability to hurt anyone that comes after me. I recommend these classes to anyone and everyone. They were fun and empowering and I left feeling less and less afraid of being alone while walking to my car or something like that. Just saying. Sign. Up. Trust me!


Overall March was a wild ride. I started and completed Game of Thrones in like....a week. I got to watch my basketball team make it to the Final Four for the first time in program history. Which was more than I could have ever dreamed possible, because I definitely had them getting beat by Carolina in my March Madness bracket.......oops, sorry guys! They proved me and the rest of America wrong in March and won every single game that they played..and that game against Carolina? They won that game by 17 points. It was a lot of fun to watch and I enjoyed my time watching Auburn excel at yet another sport. Now I am in April and that means....it is time for a tradition unlike any other....the Masters! Bring on all the golf!

Trolley Pubbin'

A review of
February:

Giving Up: Binge watching TV/Movies
For those of you keeping up with me this year, January ended as a success...and then February was much more difficult than I expected it to be. Only 28 days...but I had a lot of time to myself this month to think and read, because I decided to give up binge watching tv shows alone. I'll be honest with y'all, this is not something I ever want to attempt to do again, however I did learn that I spend way too much of my time watching Netflix. While I believe that it is important to be alone sometimes to recharge, I do realize that there are other things I can do with my alone time. This month I read more, wrote more, and I even reached out to my friends more. I think this past month has challenged me to be a better friend and I am really surprised by how far I've come.
I read 12 books in 28 days and 10 books of the Old Testament. If that is any indication of how much time I've been wasting watching tv alone....yeah. I've been selfish with my time. There is definitely a time and a place to get away and unwind from the stress, but there is also a such thing as going too far with it. Honestly, I think that is what I've been doing. In March I am giving up cheese...womp womp wooooomp.

Books Read: 12
Awe - Paul David Tripp
Wild & Free - Jess Connolly and Hayley Morgan
Uninvited - Lysa TerKeurst
Two By Two - Nicholas Sparks
The Proposal - Jasmine Guillory
The Ministry of Ordinary Places - Shannan Martin
The Broken Way - Ann Voskamp
Gay Girl, Good Good - Jackie Hill Perry
The Chemist - Stephanie Meyer
Lucky Suit - Lauren Blakely
Killer By Nature - Jan Smith
None Like Him- Jen Wilkin

Books of the Bible Read: 10-ish
1 Samuel
2 Samuel
1 Kings
2 Kings
1 Chronicles
2 Chronicles
Ezra
Nehemiah
Esther
Job
Psalms 1 -10


My Something New: Trolley Pub

Here's the thing, I know this isn't something completely out there and different, but I have wanted to do the Trolley Pub ever since I moved to Raleigh almost 3 years ago.....and this month I finally got to do it with some friends that I have made since moving here. It was a lot of fun, but it rained all day...so if I ever do it again I want it to be sunny outside.


Book Update:
For the few people that are wondering how the book is coming along...it is a slow process and I am still working on it. I have written a little bit every day this year so far and I have really been surprised by how the story of Mallory and her friend is starting to sort itself out. Thank you to everyone that has had such nice things to say to me about the very tiny amount that I shared last month. I am excited to see how it turns out. Who knows, maybe it will be worth sharing when I finish.

Why I Decided to Write a Book

I should probably tell you that I am not a new year’s resolution type of girl. Sure, I’ve made a few

in the past, but mostly out of spite. The only times I have ever followed through with my resolutions

have been the few years in which someone has told me that I would never succeed. In 2009 I quit

drinking Mountain Dew cold turkey, because someone told me that I would never be able to go an

entire year without it. In 2010 I decided to only drink water, because someone told me that I wouldn’t

be able to do it. Guess what? I succeeded both times.

I realize that being motivated by spite is not the greatest thing in the world, so this year I am

devoting myself to 5 major things: 1) I am attempting to give up one thing each month that I enjoy

2) I am going to do something that I have never done at least once a month 3) I am going to fill my

moments with lots of books. 4) I am going to read the Bible in order from start to finish 5) I am going

to love my friends big.

I am so excited about 2019, because I think I am going to learn amazing things about the Lord,

myself, and my friends and family.  I guess you could say that my goal for 2019 is to not sit around

and waste my time. Each month I will write to update on what I did and what I learned. I will write

about my successes and my failures. I will probably laugh a lot at myself, and I hope you will laugh

with me. I cannot wait to spend this year reading, attempting new and exciting things, and loving the

mess out of those the Lord has placed in my life. So buckle up, friends...2019 is about to get

interesting.

A review of January:

Giving up: Chocolate

This month I decided to give up something that I thought would be relatively easy since

it’s only January. Am I the only person that thinks January lasts for an eternity? I am

honestly not a big fan of chocolate, so I figured this one would be an easy way to start.

I know what you’re probably thinking...you're thinking that I am chickening out, but I really

just didn’t want to choose something impossibly hard and quit in the middle of January

throwing off my entire year. This is what I have learned this month without chocolate: Not

being able to have something makes it infinitely harder not to have it….even if it is something

that I DON’T necessarily like. Isn't that interesting? Based on that fact alone, you probably

can guess that this was much harder than I anticipated. I’ve never thought about the various

things that contain chocolate until this month. I even had to give up my weekly splurge

coffee, because it was a White Chocolate Mocha. Yesterday when I went to Devon’s

apartment to meet her adorable new puppy, I wasn’t able to eat the brownies that Kristen

prepared for us. I won’t lie, I felt pretty tortured in that moment. Nevertheless, I think I

will call January a success. I only have 4 more days left and at this point, I think I can say no

to anything right about now. Next month I am going to give up binge watching tv shows

alone. We will see how that goes.

Books Read: 10

Yeah, you read that correctly, I’ve read 10 books this month.

Here are the 10 books I’ve managed to complete this month so far.

Not God Enough- JD Greear
The Gospel Comes With a House Key- Rosaria Butterfield
Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life- Shauna
Niequist
Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way-Shauna
 Niequist
Pride & Prejudice- Jane Austen
If you Only Knew: My Unlikely, Unavoidable Story of Becoming Free-Jamie Ivey
Where the Crawdads Sing- Delia Owens
Something In The Water-Catherine Steadman
The Tattooist of Auschwitz- Heather Morris
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland- Lewis Carroll

Books of the Bible read:

Genesis
Exodus
Leviticus
Numbers
Deuteronomy
Joshua
Judges
Ruth

My something new: I started writing a book

This is something I have always wanted to do, but I’ve never had the guts to actually do it. I read

books all of the time, and I enjoy reading the beautifully written words of others so much that I did

not want to fail. So this month I decided I was going to start writing a book--even if I fail and

it's absolutely horrendous.

I figured that doing something that I've never done--something out of my comfort zone--

could result in my failure. And that's okay...I'm tired of being afraid of failure.

I challenged myself to write at least 20 pages of this book during the month of January.

The story is probably terrible, (and it will definitely never see the light of day) but I am still pretty

proud of myself for actually doing something that I’ve always been too scared try.

I didn’t expect to do this, but I think I am going to share just a paragraph from what I’ve written so

far:

“Mallory is pretty much the anti-sorority girl. With her unkempt long black and blue hair,

tattoos and septum piercing, she was my opposite. I’m not the cookie cutter sorority girl, I

don’t even know what to do with makeup and hair products...but I do wear bows in my hair

and I definitely have a pearl tan line. On paper Mallory and I don’t make sense. She

listens to punk rock and reads Edgar Allan Poe while I read Jane Austen and watch

Gilmore Girls. We probably shouldn’t be friends, but truth be told, Mallory is the best friend

I have ever had.  I think it was our mutual love of queso and tacos that sealed the friendship.

We met waiting for Chem Lab to start. I was changing out of my Chacos into sneakers as Dr.

Swann stormed down the hallway flailing his arms in horror shouting at every student that

entered the building with open-toed shoes on. If they did not have a change of shoes, they got

thrown out of the whole building. It seemed a bit extreme if you ask me...”

Now that I feel very exposed, maybe it's a good time to share that I realize that I am not a 
great writer. I wasn’t planning on sharing any part of this process with anyone, but I wanted to maybe encourage someone who actually may be talented in writing to just do it. Sit down and start writing! There is something unbelievably freeing about doing something that you’ve always wanted to do that absolutely scares the mess out of you...and even if the story isn’t good, you’ll know that you tried something new.